Letting Go

I don’t want this anymore. The wheel is turned down. Hope is gone. I know I can’t do this anymore. Any pretending. Any lies. I can’t do anything. I feel like worthless crap that you flush down the toilet. I can’t do a thing, except being a bum.

I guess everyone is right. I am a bum. A moocher. A sick, abnormal person. My worthlessness is unbearable, incomparable, and unchangeable. Nothing can stop me while I’m alive. I can’t change.

I guess everyone is right. I should stop this fighting. You know that feeling inside you, that inner you that keeps on fighting despite of everything being against it? Well, I’m stopping it, because I can’t do it anymore. I can’t help myself anymore. I want to let it all go, losing myself. I want to let go these constrained emotions. I don’t want this.

I want to break free. I want to let out everything. I want to scream. I want to roam around the streets, not worried of everything. I just want to go out. I can’t bear this. I want to break free of my sanity, to stop holding back and to embrace who I am–crazy. How much more do I have to suffer? I am driving to the road of despair, while everyone is pushing my car towards it. They make me like this.

I can’t take it anymore. I am not normal. I tried on asking for help but they offered me to just be sane. I can’t do this anymore. My world is shaking. I have no steady future, because I am not alive anymore. I am breathing, but I am not living.

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