Unsent Letter No.4

July 10, 2011

Sunday , 1:31 PM

Beloved,

                How are you now? Yesterday marked our breakup’s month-anniversary, and I wonder how you have been. You don’t talk to me anymore. I didn’t receive any messages from you, And, I think I already know why it is so…

Yesterday, I read her tweet, saying that you have spent you time together just last Friday. She said that you have told her that she is the only girl you have planned future with, “that long and that deep.” I can’t help but to wonder how fast you recovered from ‘us’. It scares me to death, to think that you are now this far with her. It seems like you have forgotten those two years we had together. It seems like you have already forgotten about ‘me’.

I know this hurts. I know, because I can feel the whole of me shaking. Maybe, it is because the pain radiates all though me. But still, I feel strong.  I feel not giving up. I’m not giving up because I still have something to give. I still have something to hold on. I still feel you.

Just like the last letter I wrote to you, I’m telling you that crying isn’t going to help. I’ll keep these eyes dry for you. Because, I know you don’t want to see me crying. Even though you are now distant, I know, deep inside,  you still care. I hope you’ll still care for me ‘til the end.

I have already made a decision. I have already made a commitment, to love you regardless of the lack of affection that we once had for each other. A commitment, that no matter what happens, whether you’ll come back or not, I’ll care for you unconditionally. Even if it hurts to let you be with someone else, I’ll accept it. It’s going to be hard, but I have made up my mind. If the time come wherein you’ve decided that you want to be with her forever, instead of being with me, I have to admit that I have lost the fight. But ‘til that day comes, we cannot be sure. For now, I’ll settle for the wait. Until that day, I’ll be waiting.

I still continue to pray to the Lord to make everything alright. I guess everything will be alright. He knows my deepest hopes and wishes I just keep my faith in Him.

I also pray that someday, you’ll know to decide for what is right, and to know your boundaries. I always pray for your safety. I also pray that you’ll learn from everything that has happened. Because, I have learned so much.

You will always be my beloved. You will be always be here within me. You are now my life.

– Jam Licupa

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