The Cold

It was a cold and rainy day. It had been raining so long. I watched the drops fall from the sky as if the sky has plenty of them. The drops, as it seem, broke into little droplets, fell into ripples on nearby puddles. I watched this view fade away as mist covered the window glass. Alas, I am free, I said.

It wasn’t easy to accept, that a man you love for so long, didn’t want you anymore. After all that has happened, he claimed that he loves you (or loved you, so to speak) but he needs his ‘time’ for other stuff that did revolve around you both—work, family, and learning about yourselves. But it was unbearable that you found out that aside from you, he loved (or loves) another.

It was a cold and rainy day. The rain had always reminded me of him. Whenever it’s cold, I imagined his arms wrapped around me, as he would always say, “let’s share each other’s heat”. Now, that it reminded me of the times I couldn’t stop thinking why we shouldn’t be together. Questions answered ran through my head every downpour. The downpour, or the feeling of it, reminded me of him.

I was tired of thinking. It wasn’t that I was tired of thinking of him, but I was tired of the pain it brings whenever he is in my mind. He IS on every corner of it. And I couldn’t just tell my head to take a rest. I knew it will make the thinking worse.

I kneeled on my bedside, leaning forward, grasping my hands as if I am a knight paying homage to an overlord. I prayed. I prayed hard. I prayed for a lot of things; I asked forgiveness, sought guidance, and wished for other people’s blessings. I asked for three basic things for myself: strength, guidance, and patience. STRENGTH, for me to be strong in handling my emotions. GUIDANCE, for me to be guided in walking through the right path. PATIENCE, for me to wait for the right time and right situation in everything that I do. Then, knowing that He works in mysterious ways, the Lord numbed my pain away.  It was remarkable how He understood me and knew what I was seeking deep in my heart. My mind was cleared, and I felt inspired to write. I knew the things I was asking for wasn’t done yet, but I felt it was already answered. I felt His divine intervention.

Right now, I planned to do what I have to do. I planned on focusing the things I should be starting. I planned on doing what is best. If he is for me, then God will let me know.


Published by: nuthin2say

This is the blog of a person who has been won, defeated, won again.. Because life is just like that. Jamie, aka nuthin2say, is a pseudonym. She can be found in other places in the internet, using the online name jhamiefloatie. Her thoughts spewed words that created this blog. This contained her frustrations and victories towards her journey through life. This blog was born circa 2008. Most of the posts are from her teenage years.

Categories My Expressions, Online Diaries and F*cked Up Life StoriesLeave a comment

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